SOAP HOP Male Student Stalker



HOP ONE:  Ma Stu


[The scene opens at a dark parking lot outside a college dormitory style building. A classic model 1963 Chevrolet convertible hazes celestial red, white and blue by the reflection of full moonlight through the late night darkness. ‘Male Student’ is standing outside the driver’s side of the car; he’s surrounded by four men—Masher, Flasher, Slasher and Crap—wearing UCSD police patrol uniforms.]


Slasher: “What kind of name is Ma Stu? Look, freak: you’ve got a real name, so WHAT IS IT?!”


[Male Student stares from one threatening face to another: his eyes are wide with fright and his mouth is hanging open with apparent anguish.]


Ma Stu: “It’s just short for Male Student. I don’t have any other name: my character doesn’t. I’m a character, right? In your movie about campus life.”


[Masher physically forces Ma Stu backward onto the side of the car. Masher pins Ma Stu by extending both arms and placing his hands onto the car at the sides of Ma Stu’s chest.]


Masher: “Your dad’s a doctor. You pretend you’re studying Micro-Biology because you think we’re a disease. You think identities are diseases: but NOT your lush identity too? Not your drunk self. You’re a rich brat kid and doctor daddy pays the bills.”


[Masher drops his arms, straightens his posture and steps back away from Ma Stu. Crap grabs one side of Ma Stu’s shoulder and forcefully turns Ma Stu to face the car. Slasher immediately paws at Ma Stu’s back pant’s pockets until his wallet is found.]


Crap: “Yeah! But with your money. You just don’t know because you’re ignorant. Your grandfather left you a big pile of money: he was a surgeon and he stole it from the Army hospital he worked at. He banked it in your name to hide it—deposited for you—to keep other wolves at bay. That was then and this is now.”


[As Slasher counts the paper bills taken from inside Ma Stu’s wallet, Crap flips limp Ma Stu back around to face the four of them.]


Slasher: “The point is: he’s resisted arrest by refusing to show proper identification to law enforcement. Because he didn’t want to tell us his name’s Mathew Kyle Stuart. Kyle? The fine is: $136.00 cash plus balance owed and any interest accrued, until it’s all paid in full.”


[Flasher suddenly raises his arms up above his head and then quick lowers them to slap both hands loudly down onto the top of his thighs.]


Flasher: “UNLESS. This is ‘Let’s Make a Deal’.”


[The other three nod their heads up and down while looking at each other to conclude overall agreement.]


Flasher: “We need a Flasher for patrol duty. A stalker: the fine can be this cash on hand—now in my hand—if you can oblige a civil duty to this fine campus.”


Crap: “It’s easy. You don’t have to wear a uniform, you don’t have to drive a patrol car. You just drive this car (Crap points to Ma Stu’s deep red white-topped Chevrolet) around campus—SLOWLY—while following girls. Wanking or pretend jerking off as you drive by them walking around. Get it? Hood down.”


Slasher: “We’ll waive the balance owed plus any interest penalty for late payment.”


[Masher claps his hands together and forms a silent exaggeration of “Yeah” with his mouth.]


Crap: “You don’t have to enjoy it. You don’t have to shoot your WAD: your ecstasy does not need to evidently culminate to completion. Articulate!”


[Ma Stu seems close to tears; he puts both his hands over his entire face and to cover his eyes: Masher yanks at one of Ma Stu’s hands. His one-eyed stare seems to be from a person suffering severe shock.]


Flasher: “Officer full of Crap just told you to speak: ANSWER. Articulate means you answer yes/no or if not?! We haven’t even told you what the balance owed for your infraction is yet... Any untold amount.”


Crap: “Unless you can drive your hot rod after some girls, to show them the stuff in your pant’s pocket. You have to expose yourself enough to aggravate. The girls have to be motivated to file a complaint. Otherwise? Any untold amount.”


[Slasher thumps Ma Stu’s forehead with his finger. Ma Stu flinches a grimace; he looks fearfully await to a possible and more violent next strike.]


Slasher: “We handle all the aggravated complaints. After we see you drive by a girl, we’ll go ask her if it was horrible enough to come to our office to file a formal complaint. To prevent you from stalking or harassing and sexually assaulting any other girls on campus, of course. But you do not have to do a guy.”


Masher: “We’re going to be following you, to make sure you’re not slacking off on the job. Otherwise? We’re going to issue you a DUI: we know where you live and that chickadee you were visiting earlier on tonight. You drank wine at a dinner with her, then drove right back over here, drunk. You did it, come on.”


[Flasher suddenly shakes Ma Stu by grabbing him on both sides of his shoulder.]


Flasher: “This is how I got my start as a uniformed patrol officer. My name, Flasher, was assigned for my dedication to justice for all at San Devilo CA. My initiation was humble, but I aspired to better myself to a level above and beyond just a drive by flash in the pants.”


[Masher, Slasher and Crap’s laughter sounds out loudly amidst the extreme quiet of the empty parking lot.]


Crap: “So, you’re doing it, right?! MA STU, you’re going to be our next great drive-by Flasher. And the reason’s because you can comprehend your own physical limitations.”


Masher: “Right. He’s got it going on in his head: Ma Stu is nobody’s fool.”


[All four men are smiling and nodding their heads by looking to each other; together, they focus a final intense stare at Ma Stu. He nods his head and smiles bleakly without any will of objection.]


Ma Stu: “When do I do it? Can I have my wallet back, please? Without the cash is fine: not a problem.”


Flasher: “Not a problem is an appropriate attitude. Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, after 4pm no later than 9pm. Not at any other time. We will be keenly monitoring your efforts. Do a fine job? You might even earn a promotion. Ha ha ha Ha ha, Ha ha ha Ha ha. And that’s all folks.”


[As the four men quickly walk away together, they vanish by the gloom of near midnight.]


[Ma Stu fumbles his wallet into a back pant pocket and then searches a front pocket until pulling out a set of keys. After relocking the driver’s side door, he leans onto the car and stares at the presence of a very bright moon. He scratches his head and drops his arms down to dangle lamely at his sides as an expression of exhaustion.]


[The scene fades out to open at daylight and Ma Stu driving on a two-lane campus road: a female standing at a crosswalk seems to be waiting for Ma Stu’s car to stop at the sign before stepping off the curb. He drives slowly towards the stop sign as he quickly jerks his pant’s front zipper. The car’s convertible top is down; wind whips his hair around the air to despite his slow forward approach. The scene closes with the shrill of a female screaming.]


Hop 2 Fe Stu

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